


A Good Deal

by MelodyoftheVoid



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Gen, Human Zim (Invader Zim), Irken Dib (Invader Zim), Minor Character Death, Zim stabs a bitch, do not fuck with the fae, don't fuck with him, fairies are assholes, irken gaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:07:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25147444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelodyoftheVoid/pseuds/MelodyoftheVoid
Summary: Zim really did not sign up for this shit.
Relationships: Dib & Gaz (Invader Zim), Dib & Zim (Invader Zim), Gaz & Zim (Invader Zim)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 99





	A Good Deal

Zim let out a shout as yet another branch snapped into his face. God, he hated nature. Cursing under his breath he double checked the tablet in his right hand. Dib was close by, which meant he could get out of this humid hell all the faster.

In all fairness it was his fault for volunteering to come after Dib if he took too long on his latest hunt for Earth’s more supernatural inhabitants. Gaz made it explicitly clear that she wanted nothing to do with Dib’s nonsense; more concerned with keeping her skills sharp in the battle simulators. The elder sibling had exhausted her sympathies after attempting to catch the Mothman and ending up halfway across the country when it flew away.

And two hours late was right about when Zim decided that Dib was probably in enough trouble to justify going out in the dense forest to look for the stupid alien. He had half a mind to spray the idiot with water as revenge for the miserable conditions he was enduring. What was the big deal about the Fae anyways? Bunch of pompous assholes from what Zim could tell.

A pinging sound caught Zim’s attention. Turning to better figure out which direction to go, the alert sped up as he looked towards the setting sun. Bingo. He ran for what felt like eons before stumbling into a clearing.

It looked more like the backdrop of a painting, wildflowers dancing in the mid-summer’s breeze, birds singing off in the distant trees, the haze of humidity vanishing. In his left hand, Zim clutched the iron nail tighter. The scenery looked perfect. Too perfect.

One thing looked out of place in the storybook meadow: a familiar trench coat wearing idiot. Just sitting there. Zim’s eye twitched at his counterpart’s nonchalance.

“Dib-roach! What is taking you so long? You know that Gaz wanted you back an hour ago!”

Dib didn’t react. So that’s how it was? Fine.

Zim stormed into the clearing before stopping a short distance from Dib. Why was his disguise off? He was never not paranoid about a human stumbling across him and ending up on an autopsy table. Even though Zim assured him that people were idiots and wouldn’t even question it.

Without warning, Dib slumped over into the grass face-first which under normal circumstances called for a bought of laughter but now only spiked Zim’s anxiety into the stratosphere.

“DIB!”

Zim closed the gap, throwing his tablet and nail aside and reaching for his alien. He set the unconscious Irken in his lap, checking every possible life sign. Thoughts of life without Dib flashing by unbidden. No one in his class to challenge him. No one to care if he’d forgotten to eat and sleep for the past 48 hours because he’d hyper focused on his latest creation.

He’d never get to tell him-

Oh. He was still breathing. Zim looked down at Dib, he appeared to be sleeping, peaceful for once. A slight smile tugging at the corners of his stupid alien mouth.

“Goddamnit you alien, how the fuck am I supposed to get you back to civilization like this?”

Zim attempted to lift Dib up, but the taller of the two weighed much more than he’d anticipated. And so, he too met the ground face first. Since when did Irkens sleep? Just as he was contemplating leaving the literal uncanny valley, a voice rang out, “So, you must be the infamous Z I’ve heard so much about.”

Zim whipped around to see a figure, standing just a few feet away. They smiled genially, their features impossible to describe or even understand.

“Who are you?”

“I am-“

“What did you do to Dib-stink?”

“I-“

“TELL ME.”

The figure laughed, their smile growing impossibly wide.

“Oh, you are just as amusing as I’d hoped you’d be! Tell me, why do you need this creature?”

Zim bristled at the creature’s tone, eyes searching the grass for the nail he’d so carelessly cast aside. This thing, a fae most likely, did something to Dib, and would do something to him given the chance. He’d need to be on guard. Bold of them to call Dib a creature given the situation. Insulting Dib for being an alien was his job.

“You never answered my questions.”

“Well you never gave me a chance to!” They sat down in front of Zim and the still unconscious Dib. “For the sake of conversation, you may call me Vi, may I have your name?”

“You may not.” Zim, contrary to Dib’s assertions, did pay attention to his warnings about the unknown. He was not about to let this fae have his way with him. Or Dib. “And he’s mine. I need him to give me superior technology so I can conquer this planet. Now why is he passed out?”

Vi clasped their hands together in their lap, that infuriating smile never wavering for a second. Zim’s free hand brushed something metal. The nail! He brought it closer to his body, trying to keep his own expression level.

“Well, I can’t have my collection running away from me, can I?”

“Collection?”

Vi’s form shimmered, and Zim found himself now face to face with Dib’s human disguise, then Dib’s alien form, followed by a variety of other creatures both humanoid and not. They settled back to their original shape a satisfied grin stretching across their featureless face.

“I collect new beings to become! I don’t even need their true name for it, although it does help. Your creature is going to be a wonderful addition! I’m sure he’s not _that_ important. There is another one who could help you isn’t there? Or is there some other reason you want to keep him?”

Zim felt the blood drain out of his face, breath coming in short bursts. This was bad. Really bad. Vi knew about Gaz. Somehow. What else did they know? The nail seemed to sing for blood. He was inclined to agree.

“What’s it to you? He still doesn’t belong to you anyways.”

“Well, I do a little digging when I get a new form and I’ll be honest with you, he doesn’t return your feelings. He can’t. I’d do you both a favor by keeping him! I can tell you right now that he’s having the most wonderful time catching that Mothman and-“

“SHUT UP!”

Zim swung at Vi with his nail, ignoring the muffled thud of Dib hitting the ground behind him. The shapeshifter dodged easily, practically dancing around him. His tinkling laughter only fueling Zim’s rage.

“I don’t really see the problem here! Look, if he means that much,” Vi shifted back into Dib’s human disguise, opening his arms invitingly, voice all too familiar, “I could be your Dib. I could love you.”

Zim froze, heart stopping when he heard those words. His Dib would never. And besides that, even if he did want that, he wouldn’t stoop so low as to abandon Dib for this creep. Plus, Gaz would kill him. Zim stared into the not-Dib’s eyes, almost a perfect replica of Dib’s hologram were it not for the swirling pupils. Zim forced himself to relax, watching Vi’s false face light up with delight.

“Ok, you can be my Dib,” Zim forced his voice lower, looking away with mock embarrassment. Opening up his own arms with the nail hidden up his sleeve. The second Vi stepped into Zim’s arms, he plunged the nail into their back, “but you’ll have to fight like him too.”

He tore the nail out, stabbing at Vi’s heart. The fae stumbled back, collapsing in a heap, golden ichor spilling out from the wound. The iron clearly taking a toll on the immortal creature. Vi returned to his original form, too weak to keep up the illusion.

“Pathetic.”

Zim let a smirk shine across his face at the sight. He’d never admit it to Dib, not under threat of death, but he did care for the bug. He forced him to be better and improve, not that Dib was better than him or anything.

“Now either you let him go, or I finish the job. I’m sure Dib would appreciate the addition to _his_ collection. He has quite a few specimens already.”

“FINE. Fine, just leave.”

Vi snapped their fingers. Dib let out a soft groan, clawed hands rubbing at his temples as the spell wore off.

“I’m glad we could come to an agreement,” Zim swung the nail down, letting it plunge back into the fae, sealing his fate. “DIB! Get up you useless bug.”

Amber eyes blearily squinted at Zim, before falling on the unmoving form of Vi.

“Zim. Did you really have to kill them? I wanted to get more data on their culture…”

Zim hit his face with his palm, smearing golden ichor. Of course Dib was more concerned about getting a live specimen than the fact said specimen nearly rendered him permanently comatose.

“It’s past 8 you idiot, they managed to shut you off. Do you really think Gaz would let them live? You can study their anatomy back in your dumb lab anyway you weirdo.”

The Irken stood on wobbly legs, stumbling before pulling out a compressor and storing the fae in the tiny pocket dimension.

“I was out for that long? Irk, what a pain.”

“Indeed. You better be thankful I braved the horrid outdoors to come rescue you Dib-roach. There will be repayment for this.”

Dib reactivated his disguise, double and triple checking the integrity of the hologram before flashing Zim a smile.

“I’ll let you drive the voot on our next trip, it’s the least I can do.”

“YES! Victory for ZIM!”

“And I already regret this decision.”

The two journeyed back into the woods, hoping to return before Gaz got mad enough to kill them both.

He’d have to save Dib again some time if it meant he’d get to drive the ship more often. The forest wasn’t so bad for Zim after all!

**Author's Note:**

> Zim is a feral boy and Dib has no self-preservation instinct in every universe. That's just how it is, I don't make the rules. My entry for day 7 of Invader Zim week: role swap! I just like Zim planning to take over Earth even when he's not, like, an alien. Good stuff.


End file.
